Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Red Flags of Domestic Abusers

The Campus Sexual and Relationship Violence Center is providing a series of articles during the month of October in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This week's article focuses on common characteristics of domestic abusers to implore greater understanding about domestic violence.

For the most part, it is not easy to determine if someone is a domestic abuser or not. Often the abuser appears to be charming and nice when among others outside of the home. This, in part, contributes to the unrecognition of the occurrence of domestic violence and the surprise by many when some abusers become publicly known. Think about the common response when others heard learn that someone is a domestic abuser, and they say something such as, "Wow, but they always seem so nice!"

Other times, when a glimpse of abusive behavior may be seen by others, the abuser often downplays or minimizes the violent behavior. They may even have their victim downplay it as well. Furthermore, abusers don't usually admit that there is an internal problem in need of addressing, but rather will blame any abusive behavior on stress or immense pressure. Surrounding circumstances, such as alcohol or drugs, may also be used to excuse or explain away their violent behavior.

There are characteristics and behaviors that are common among many domestic abusers. Some red flags to watch out for concerning abusive behavior include, but are not limited to:

• Is demeaning, privately and openly, of their victim
• Having a bad or terrible temper
• Blames the victim for abusive behaviors that occur
• Is extremely jealous
• Accuses their victim of cheating on them or flirting with others
• Is possessive over their victim
• Is controlling of their victim
• Controls what the victim may wear
• Tells their victim how they should act
• Isolates and keeps their victim from engaging with friends
• Monitors their victim's internet activity and social media
• Insists on knowing their victim's passwords for all accounts
• Sees their victim as a mere object, sex object or possession
• Their emotions are unpredictable
• Is verbally abusive
• Controls all the finances
• May harass their victim at the victim's workplace
• May stalk or track their victim
• Abusive to other household members or pets
• Cruel to animals
• Sexually abusive, forcing themselves on their victim without regard to partner's willingness
• Keeps their victim from having access to birth control

Help is available for victims of domestic abuse. Students may speak with a victim advocate and a legal advocate at the Campus Sexual and Relationship Violence Center. All services at the center are confidential and at no cost for U of A students. Anyone may reach out to the local domestic violence organization known as Peace at Home for help. And if you or someone you know needs help, or simply in need of someone to talk to, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) and has a live chat feature on their website.